


(Not) Okay

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Established Relationship, Feels, Helplessness, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Feels, M/M, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Worried Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23985334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: When Loki found Tony he was curled in a ball on the floor of his workshop, his breathing harsh and broken.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 22
Kudos: 287





	(Not) Okay

When Loki found Tony, he was curled in a ball on the floor of his workshop, underneath one of his benches.

And Loki’s heart stopped.

He knew from JARVIS that Tony was in a bad way, that he was alone and… anxious. Loki hadn’t quite realised what that meant, had simply hurried down to the workshop as quickly as he could– but then he saw Tony and suddenly, he didn’t know what to do.

Tony’s breaths were harsh, brutal gasps, easily heard from yards away. His head rested upon his arms, arms upon his knees, hands gripping his elbows so tightly his knuckles were white against the grey jumper. His legs were pressed against his chest making him appear so much smaller than he was, and– Loki’s hands were shaking almost as much as Tony’s was as he crouched beside him, not too close, just… hopefully close enough.

“Anthony?”

Tony did not respond to the sound of his name. His breathing was still harsh, gasping, as if he couldn’t draw in enough air.

“Anthony, breathe,” Loki said, knowing in his head that it was a useless thing to say but– he couldn’t not say it. “Follow me, in and out.”

That, at least, felt logical– but Tony’s breathing continued to be harsh, he kept his head down, he was still shaking, perhaps even harder now.

Loki placed a hand on Tony’s shoulder– and Tony did not flinch, so he left it there. But… nor did Tony respond. It was as if he were entirely unaware of Loki being there, unaware of everything. Or perhaps just, not able to respond.

So… Loki did the only thing he felt he could. He drew in a deep breath of his own, and started to talk.

He couldn’t say all of what he talked about, for his attention remained on his gasping lover. It felt like his heart was in his throat, but he spoke past the lump– talking about what he’d done that day, what he planned for the rest of it, how he and Tony might be able to sit together and relax and do nothing else. He spoke about how Thor had managed to destroy another toaster, how Clint had taken the last leftover burrito out of the fridge and had been chased around the tower by none other than Captain America himself. He talked about the different colours he saw when he walked the branches of Yggdrasil, about the first time he bested Thor in a fight, about the first time he met JARVIS and had been threatened within an inch of his life.

He just _talked_ , and slowly, slowly, Tony began to calm.

Loki couldn’t know if it was him, or if it was just the passing time. He wasn’t sure, and– Tony didn’t say. His breathing slowed, his gasps turned to sobs then to gentle, even puffs which were not quite normal but. Getting there.

Even then, it was a while before Tony looked up. Several minutes at least. Every second felt like a twist of a knife in Loki’s heart, another thought telling him that he hadn’t been good enough, that he hadn’t been able to help.

But eventually, Tony looked up, his red-rimmed eyes just peeking over the tops of his arms.

“Loki?” he whispered, his voice hoarse, cracking, broken.

“ _Anthony,”_ Loki said, the word a gasp of his own. “You’re okay.”

Tony lifted his head further then, and as Loki saw the bitter smile, he realised he’d made another mistake.

“I don’t think that’s in the cards for me, right now,” Tony muttered. “But, uh. You– you helped. Are helping.”

Loki tightened the grip on Tony’s shoulder that he hadn’t yet let go of. “Is there… anything I can do?”

“Not really.” Tony averted his gaze. “Just. Stay?”

Loki nodded, and tried to keep the pain from his tone. He didn’t think he succeeded. “I will.” A pause. “Anthony, whatever it was that caused—”

“It was nothing,” Tony said, shaking his head. “Nothing I can do anything about, anyway. This just, happens, sometimes, it’s…” Tony’s arms tightened around himself again, and Loki realised just how close Tony was to falling apart.

So instead of pressing, he asked only the one last question.

“Anthony, may I hug you?”

Tony did not move, but– he gave a small nod, and Loki shifted forward slowly. He curled his arms around Tony’s shoulders, and Tony leaned in close, burying into Loki’s chest.

He was still shaking.

And Loki just held him, still feeling lost, still not knowing what to do in a way that was unusual for him. He was used to having the answers, but here, he felt like he had entirely missed a step and was falling through the air, a sickened feeling in his gut that he could not push away.

But he held Tony close, held him tight.

Because maybe Tony wasn’t okay now. But he would be. And so long as Tony was still there, still _breathing,_ then…

Then they would pull through.


End file.
